"Change vs. Choice"

Change. A simple word but not simple at all. It is inevitable, unfixed, unstable, unexpected, and yet we find the strength to deal with change. Change is not always good but its not always bad. I remember before going off to UCI that I made a promise to myself that I would visit an individual that also played an important role in my development as a queer person of color. I rather not say his name but at least you know it is a male individual. I was in middle school and he was my classmate but besides that he was my first crush. We were the best of friends and quite inseparable that is until his buddies began giving him shit for being friends with the gay (fag, puto, marica, joto, etc.) kid at school. The constant bullying caused him to change. A change that taught me an important lesson of Choice vs. Change. It was his choice to hurt me, bully me, hate me, loathe me, love me, befriend, and change me. I also changed. I also caused a change in him. I do not blame him for his choice I probably would have done the same but I choose a difficult path but not the wrong one. I say confidently "not the wrong one". His mother choose to transfer him to another district because he began to affiliate himself within the gang culture of our streets. I want to say I got back at him the day he left but it is one of my greatest regrets. As he walked out of our 4th period class I followed him and his mother. Everyone else had also began to bustle out of the bungalow classrooms for lunch. The bungalows forced everyone to meet in the middle of the quad and then disperse. As the crowd began I tapped him and said in front of everyone "I like you and I don't care what anyone thinks thats just the way I feel". I cannot forget the look in eyes. I hurt him deeply because he had realized how much he had changed and for him to be him would be a long and difficult choice but it would not be the wrong one. I felt bad because I knew that he could not choose anymore. I met him after 8 years of thinking about what had happen to him. It was quite awkward. He was very surprised and detached to see me. I just told him that I was sorry for everything that happen in middle between us. He said the same. He told about a girlfriend he was going to marry and a baby girl he had. I wanted to believe him but as I left I looked into his eyes and I knew he was lying because he had the same look he had given me 8 years before.

Change is not simple but we have a Choice.

Thanks for reading I know it was long...